It’s amazing the myriad of emotions that come with reality. And finding that everything you thought was, just wasn’t, well damn it hits you for six. Coming out of a relationship of giving 100 and realizing that you’re down to zero because you were not receiving what you were giving, is sobering and painful all at the same time. It makes you question everything; even the happy times, to wonder what was happening behind the scenes even then.
I had someone who I thought was my forever but as it turns out, I wasn’t his. And the reality is that he was still searching for more, for different and for new instead. So there it is, the honesty, which I did not get. I have an excellent memory but I do not lie. I derive no pleasure from it, I have no time for it, and I see no need for it. Thus, it hurts me greatly to be lied to, even more so to realize so long after the fact. But I know now and still life goes on.
After so long, my reality has changed or rather I finally see and accept it for what it is. And I am looking at everything, him and better yet myself, differently. It has spurred my journey for growth and betterment, and it’s unleashed a depth of introspection that I am so thankful for. I feel better and I am doing better because my life is no longer peppered with falsities and illusions. And as someone dear reminded me, in life you do not always get what you want, because sometimes, you just deserve something better.