Have you ever gotten tired of reading/listening to the news?
It really makes me so despondent to hear about university students being gunned down based on whether they answered to being Muslims or Christians. You read that a child is missing from home, a two year old has cancer and a jilted virgin goes on a shooting spree. It brings tears to my eyes and torment to my soul that things can happen so unsuspectingly in our world. Things which are beyond our power and the individual will we have for our lives.
I have a minor in philosophy, which my boyfriend at the time gave me such a hard time about, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. I naturally question everything (and I have friends who have threatened to sign me up for law school) because I love both the infiniteness of an answer in its capacity to grow and apply to so much more than what was asked. And I did well in philosophy, so maybe law would’ve worked out because I pay attention to detail and I forget next to nothing. (which is why I can edit hundred page theses, so he should give props to philosophy right? LOL.)
Anyways, I had this one paper on free will or fate, which had my ass in a quandary because philosophy will do that to you. If you don’t take your position, it can and will lead you through the gates of Mordor when you were trying to find Rivendell! However, in the end I came to a rationale and I found my way. And also to contradict myself I do not even remember if it was Tolstoy, Kierkegaard or Sartre? but this is where I arrived. The credit can go to them all, for I decided on the course that the lives of men are fated, but to believe it so that one has no say in the course of his or her life would drive them crazy.
And this is what reading the news does to me. It drives me crazy. It makes me feel as if we have no free will against the tyrannies of men or those which ravage our bodies. As if no matter what you choose for own yourself, you are still impacted by the choices another makes because they will encompass you.
So life is difficult. Scratch that.. It is fucking hard. And whether by your own doing or not, you’ll be faced with and impacted by the decisions of others completely outside of your control. You will never smoke a day in your life and develop lung cancer and you will cuss and whore and drink and live a century. Life is life. Your decisions are your own but they will never only impact you.