It’s all in my head

I’ve been wondering for a while if I should post about this. But, maybe it will help in some way.

Last July, I fell after coming out of the shower. Quite simply my feet were still wet and the floor slippery, and so down I went on to my left side, and most predominantly, my left arm. I barely felt it and I just popped back up. But then my wrist started swelling. I iced it and took the day off as I wouldn’t have been much use at work with the swelling as it was. Except when I did return, that was when the pain set in and from ever since, has just kept worsening. No one could understand it, I was given enough meds to open a drug store, I became quite friendly with an MRI machine, and every doctor I saw seemed to think either I was exaggerating the pain or that it was all just in my head.

Turns out that from just falling, my nervous system went into over drive. I was experiencing heightened levels of pain, I was emotionally distressed, becoming financially stressed, and other than some swelling there was no outward visible sign that there was anything wrong with me. I actually started thinking that perhaps it was just in my head, which was funny because I’d always been such a self diagnosing, hypochondriac. I told myself that maybe I was just feeling too much, maybe I was blowing it out of portion, so I downplayed it and tried to just soldier through.

Except, something was wrong. I wasn’t recovering as I should have from a simple slip to the floor. The reason being is that those lovely pain receptors of mine were working overtime and sending constant pain impulses to my brain. My wrist would burn, my fingers shook and my shoulder felt as if I’d just gone a few rounds with Floyd. I was taking muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatories, pain killers and I don’t remember what else but, the side effects were atrocious.

And so I’ll be forever grateful for the support system that rallied with me. My best friend used to just take my arm and massage it for me, I was chauffeured and catered to and just supported in ways that meant so much to me. It was a difficult time and I experienced a heightened sense of self awareness. It was why I started writing. I needed an outlet. And as it turns out, I did get a diagnosis and there is no cure. I’ll need treatment and therapy and just a new way of living life to deal with it.

The irony is though, that now with this pain that I physically experience every day, I am doing so much better as a person. I feel revived and enlightened and inspired.  And perhaps, it is just in my head. But as the late Albus Brian Wulfric Percival Dumbledore once stated,

“Of course it is happening inside your head…but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

I’ve been diagnosed with CRPS- Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It is rare but then again, so am I and I’m just trying every day to be a better me.

x. Ginny


11 thoughts on “It’s all in my head

  1. Jarrod C says:

    I briefly read about the diagnosis and saw it is a nerve issue. That doesn’t surprise me as I was going to suggest that.

    I’m sorry you got hurt but I’m glad there was a silver lining in finding the writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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