Are you planning a life or a vacation? The Long Distance Relationship

I remember the first time I was in a long distance relationship. There was no Whatsapp, Skype was sketchy, and our hall flats had no wifi, so we communicated through emails, long distance phone calls that ate your credit and text messaging. Ultimately it ended. There were distractions, academic goals to pursue, and the world just got in the way. Long distance was a dim reflection of what we were and because we had already done the everyday, it wasn’t the sole basis of us being together.

If you’ve ever been with someone long distance, it will be that you met from a far, or your relationship continued even as one or both of you relocated. In either case, it’s important that you know why you’re in one, and even more so, you’re sure of what your end game will be. Some people endure them because they know that at some point, they will be reunited for the long term. And some endure them because it allows them the space and freedom of being physically single.

If you’re with someone or you are someone who ignores an issue rather than confronts it, if you still want to do what you want to do then the distance in your relationship provides for that. You can schedule your partner in to a time slot, like a vacation and the everyday intricacies of your life you don’t have to share because your interactions and communication are controlled. If you never pick up your phone or open your social media, then where is your relationship? Which is why I believe that some relationships do better in close range while others only last because they are at a distance.

If you feel the strain of your long distance relationship, it is because you want that everyday, this is not a holiday, real life interaction with your partner. And if you’re fine with things as they are, is it because you’re with someone whom you are content to see once in awhile.. and for your everyday, real life world you’re still more interested in doing you than for two?

Life isn’t a vacation, so why is your relationship?  It’s not about if you can withstand being separated by long distance, but if you can stand being together without the distance. Being physically separated from someone is always difficult. But it’s being with them everyday, real and in person, that will be the challenge.

Personally, I want the everyday stuff. Let me be annoyed by how you kick off your shoes at the bed and steal the covers. You can be mad that while you’re cooking, I’m seasoning your pot and that I steal your clothes. I don’t want the distance, give me every day, up close.

Whoever you’re with and in whatever way, be sure that you both want the same outcome. You can’t be looking for home with someone when they’re just looking for an escape through you.



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