I think we all go through a crisis of identity. And sometimes even when we’ve taken steps forward in realising who we are, we are still susceptible to being derailed into a chasm of self-doubt. So please read the entry below, it is a unique perspective from a woman you need to know.
Your self-esteem won’t come from body parts. You need to step away from the mirror every once in a while, and look for another reflection, like the one in the eyes of the people who love and admire you” Stacy London
“Janai Coleman is a life blogger, college student, care provider, novice feminist and self proclaimed gypsy. Janai is a plus model who has graced the covers of Manik Magazine and appeared in the Love Love Your Face campaign. Formally represented by IPM Model, she has taken some time off from modeling to pursue a career in American Sign Language/English interpreting. Janai’s blog, Style files of Jane, is a raw depiction of her life chronicling her journey in hopes to inspire others. The blog addresses issues that most women of color encounter and often don’t speak about such as depression, abandonment, childhood trauma and issues of self esteem. Janai is determined to live her life out loud and chase every dream that has been placed in her heart. Janai takes care of her 87 year old grandmother who she credits with being the example by which she lives her life.”
Who is this person??? Ha!!! My husband whom is my biggest fan and supporter, recently wrote this about me. We had an amazing opportunity to meet with Danielle Moody-Mills of NBC BLACK to share our love story for their Love is Revolutionary series. I needed a bio so he wrote what you see above. I’ve had to read this excerpt over and over because I really am unfamiliar with this woman he wrote about. That was just a prelude. As I listened to him fawn over me as we told our love story, I wanted to pause and ask him “Harpo!!! Who dis woman!!!” because this remarkable being he spoke about I have no recollection of me being that.
Blame it on Mercury Retrograde or whatever but unlike the Queen of the Beyhive I’m not feeling myself as of late. I’ve been Debbie down on my own ass and it’s not been the worse. Honestly my last post put me in a bit of a funk and I’ve been feeling empty. I explained to my Monday Mentor who now mentors me on Saturdays that change is ugly. But never did I think the ugly would transfer to me. I feel like a teenager who’s going through that awkward phase better known as the “ugly phase”. I don’t know who I’m looking at in the mirror anymore. It’s like looking at a blank canvas, because I don’t see my reflection looking back at me. I’ve changed my hair and added makeup and I still see no remnants of me. I’m certain I’m not alone in these feelings. But how do I shake them? Instead of avoiding the mirror I’ve been having intimate sessions with it lately trying to catch glimpses of myself. My nose is different, my eyes are strange, I’m uncertain who this anomalous figure is reflecting back at me. It’s frustrating to say the least.
Having to pull myself together for the Love is Revolutionary interview, as well as some other events I’ve accompanied my Rockstar husband to has been a brutal task. It’s been challenging to break out that phenomenal woman that he penned and spoke about. Some big shoes to fill. While it has been hard for me I’m glad to know what he sees in me. I’ve sort of become dependent on him a bit to cajole my mind into seeing the beauty he sees within me. I know self-esteem is dependent upon oneself however his views don’t hurt. I’m just praying that I see what he sees as I continue to push forward. Prayerfully the reflection I begin to see is not what it once was but a greater illustration of my soul.
Love & Light
This entry was reblogged from The Style Files of Jane on Blogspot.
The author is actually one of my oldest and bestest and her perspective is unique, inspiring and refreshing. She’s also a fabulous and fierce fashionista. Check her out.