Have you ever felt as if you were at war with your own heart…? At war with your thoughts, your desires, your own self and knew it was a war that either way you would lose even if you won? You’re not sure what’s fear from caution, and you definitely don’t know what’s hope or folly. Your carefully crafted image just feels like a mirage. These are the moments of transition. Where your soul is sensing a change that you can’t even begin to see. It’s what I tell mysaelf. Because I know that I won’t have to look for the battles that await me on the outside. I won’t have to go far to fight for every and anything that I want. And if I hope to even live in this world of our contrivance then I must survive within myself. But it’s a long road for the choices we make. And worrying is second nature. By design we will never know everything and some fights we just won’t win.
I never start a book unless I know how it ends. A weird trait of mine. I’ve been doing it since forever and it took me awhile to realize why. Real life itself is already a mystery, we don’t know how it ends and we’re never really certain of how things will go. We are the characters in books which have already been written. And some days we don’t even know the plot. So, I guess this is character development. The stress, the change, the battles…the impending sense that there’s more to to it all than meets the eye. I will tell you this, there is no straight path or answer. And the merit of some choices take a lifetime to discover. If you’re feeling torn, growth is knocking. The battle’s nigh.
I would have told you at first to listen for an answer. Listen for which way you should go and what you should choose. But you’ve got the lead role in your story and yes you’ll need prompts and guidance, but it’s your role. You’re not an extra, or a supporting character, you’re the headliner of this show. So, be the answer. Your heart’s at war, your spirit’s asunder and you really don’t know which page this is. But, the story’s good.
Just deep breaths and press on.
What’s the worst that could happen?
You’ve got this.