I’ve said this before but I’m not sure how many understand it. Because there are people out there who still believe that until someone puts hands on them, they have not been abused. Well, hello! Welcome to emotional abuse my friends, where the scars may be invisible but the pain runs deep.
It is such a subtle thing, nondescript, discreet that I really don’t think it’s a stretch to say that perhaps we’ve all been victims of it. And…even unknowingly, perpetrators. It is the hateful things people say and even the throwaway spiteful comments we make towards others, it is every word of unkindness that all adds up. And eventually takes a toll. When I was bullied as a child, it was over my weight. I was told that I was pretty, that I was smart, that I was funny but..I was fat. And looking back now, I can tell you honestly that I would have felt it more if they had attacked anything more personal about me. My thoughts, my dreams, my family..because my weight didn’t make me, me.
Too many of us become victims because of reasons outside of our control. We become victims of gender, bias, ignorance and envy. You’ll find that people will tell you things about yourself that aren’t even true just because they don’t like you. Just because they don’t understand you. Just because they aren’t like you. And it is very easy to believe anything you hear constantly. It is easy to believe that you aren’t good enough, that what you’ve done isn’t good enough and that even the bad things, that others do to you, are because of you. And shit, you can tell yourself that the way people treat you is based on how they feel about themselves. Or even go way back biblical, in that you treat others as you want to be treated. They all may be true.
But I subscribe to this..People treat you, the way you treat yourself.
Someone important taught me that. It’s not just about accepting the love we think we deserve. It’s more of giving yourself what you want. People will love you, they will hate you, they will be uncertain of you and it is the way that you feel about yourself end of the day, which will always matter more. Because, truly who can make you feel inadequate without your consent?
I once heard a story about a woman who’s husband beat her every day. And when everyone tried to get her to leave him. She said no, if her husband doesn’t beat her, he doesn’t love her. He loved her to death one night.
I have also heard of the man who had a woman he thought he didn’t deserve. So he told her things to lessen how she felt about herself. All the while he told her that she was fat, and she was ugly, that she wasn’t taking care of him right, he also told her that he loved her. And so although she grew to believe that she was worthless, she still believed that this man still loved her. And she clung to him because he gave her worth. But to him she grew to be worthless and he loved her less. Because now she didn’t love herself, she didn’t respect herself and how could he love or respect a woman who had none for herself? She didn’t deserve him now.
You can decide for yourself which woman had it worse. But that’s not the issue. They were both abused. And I don’t think either one knew it.
– We must remember that love is elevation. It must be the yeast in your bread that makes you rise 🙂 And not chains on your feet for you to sink.
There are many movements out there, equal rights, equal pay, LGBTQ, all lives matter, body positivity…self-love to me, underpins them all. It is far easier to believe that women deserve the same rights and benefits as men, that you can be born with a penis but never identify with being male, that beneath varying colours and features our organs are all still the same and that whether your ass shakes or your stomach’s flat you can still be wonderful or an ass-hole…if you can love yourself.
It is easier to believe, it is easier to identify.. with anything if you can believe and identify within yourself. It’s past time we stop consenting to inadequacy. It’s past time we start just loving ourselves. You can’t stop every hand that rises against you. You can stop no word. You can stop accepting it though. You can change your reaction. And not just for yourself. Stop for your children who’ve witnessed your abuse in front of them or through the thin bedroom walls, stop for the ones who couldn’t stop for themselves..stop for you.
Abuse might be invisible, but so is the wind. And you don’t have to witness a hurricane or see a fire spread, to know the damage it can do. If you want to help yourself or someone you know, livebold&bloom is insightful.
I just thought you needed to hear this.